An update on writing:

I've abandoned Keepers for the moment. I really feel like the book is going badly, and I don't know how to fix it. I'm not having plot problems. I'm not having outline problems. I know how to fix those things. This book is just so different from anything I've ever written that I'm not sure its working.

So I'm workshopping the (very rough) chapters I have (about half the book) and will continue from there. In the meantime I'm going to run two rewrites--one on The Royal Tongue, and one on Haylee's Journal. I'm fully rewriting the books, which in this case means printing out the manuscripts and re-typing them from scratch while I look at what I had and consider what I want to change. The Royal Tongue is going from first person to third person (a good narrative move, but not one I'm comfortable writing--this one will have to go through writing group again after this) and Haylee's Journal is getting revised so the viewpoint character is more central to the plot and conflict.

I'm starting with The Royal Tongue tomorrow. (Would start today, but I was out of printer paper, which is kinda vital to printing the manuscript.)

The good news is I'm taking one class and teaching one class (that I've taught before), so I've got time this semester.

I feel like such a slacker, which I logically realize is unreasonable. I didn't finish my manuscript last semester, but I wrote half a book, which for four months is an impressive amount of work. I've written another book in the last year. I have five and a half books written. I have to keep reminding myself that this means I'm on track to where I should be in my career, not behind. I have to keep reminding myself that I am only 25, and this means I'm doing very, VERY well, not that I'm behind and should have been working harder.

I still feel like I should have been working harder. I still feel like what I've done isn't enough.

*kicks self* I really wish I could logic myself out of my own expectations, sometimes.

There is so much to say.

I've set myself a new goal. I don't make New Year's Resolutions, because I think January 1st is an arbitrary date, and I set goals for myself many, many times a year as needed. My new goal is to spend at least 15 minutes entering my family history names and dates into the Personal Ancestral File program.

15 minutes is doable. There's no reason why I can't do fifteen minutes a week. And I might only make a small dent in the material in fifteen minutes, but it's a much larger dent than the NO dent I've made in the last four years as I've let all my information sit in file folders.

I have literally thousands and thousands of names on records and lists that were compiled by several extended relatives I've never met.  There is so much of it, and I don't have to do anything besides enter it in the program and type it out.  But I'm lame and haven't done it.  There's really no excuse for me.

The other thing I was thinking about yesterday was food storage.  We don't have tons of space, so I'm not storing anything big, plus we don't have a lot of money to spend on such things.  But we started buying a few extra cans with groceries four months ago, and our stash has gotten too large for the cabinet and now extends into our storage closet.  This is important, because both our careers are very unstable, so we need to be able to eat for a while without spending money if we don't have work.

*deep breath*  There's so much I want to write about.  I'll have to do that a few things every day, also, until its all done.

When I have:

Finished my novel
Sewed the vest and ties
Written my term paper
Done my journal presentation
Revised my three essays
and
Graded the Issues Papers

Then I will:

Paint my Cryx army
Convert that Warpwolf
and
Read my growing shelf of unread books.

Next semester I will:

Teach a class
Take a workshop
Revise
and
Generally ignore any and all other demands on my time.

So a couple weeks ago I expressed my frustration with eating out all the time. I wasn't happy with how much money I was spending on food, nor how much junk food I was eating, nor how many meals I was skipping because I didn't have any groceries at home. It turned out Drew was feeling similarly, so we decided we needed to be buying groceries and actually making food.

We decided on Monday nights we'd go grocery shopping, and then cook and refrigerate a couple of meals to eat throughout the week.

We're nearing the end of week two, and I feel happier, healthier, and less financially stressed. I'm not hitting sugar low anymore because I have food to eat way before I get that far. I'm eating food that tastes better than the stuff I was buying, and is WAY cheaper and WAY healthier. Plus I get to share food/cooking/recipes with Drew. It's a winning situation all around.

So yay.


***P.S. I feel like I'm talking too much about Drew. But that's what's going on in my life right now, so that's what I have to talk about. *shrug* School will start soon, and then I'll have more writing/thesis things to post about, I am sure.***

I had a realization yesterday:

Writing takes 100% of my attention and energy. This is why sometimes I don't write anything--if my brain is spinning with other things I can't give the writing the attention it needs, and nothing gets written.

At first this seems like a thing I need to work on--giving more energy and attention to the writing. But the thing is, there are many other important things in life. Sometimes I need to give THOSE things attention. Since reading this blog entry
I've been thinking about this.

Writing is not my #1 priority. It's a priority, sure. I get it done. I've just finished my fifth novel (again). But it's not #1. People are #1, and when I'm involved in problems that arise in my own life, or helping other people with problems that arise in theirs, or building relationships that don't revolve around problems at all, I don't write.

And I'm happy with that decision. If it means I don't write enough to make it professionally, at least I'll still be happy with who I am.

Oh how I need structure in my life. Everything has just gotten so unstructured that I feel like I don't have a space to get anything done, although I've got nothing but time right now.

Tomorrow I start imposing a small amount of structure. I've pushed the trip to California (so Drew can meet my parents) off until the first weekend in August in order to create a space for me to regain some structure for the sake of my emotional and mental health.

Tomorrow I have a space in the morning to get things done, and then I'm off to the keep to write. Then I think I'm spending the evening with Sandra and her kids, though I need to reconnect with her tomorrow to make sure we're still on.

I love Drew. But now I need to figure out how to love him and still get something done with my life.

How I look forward to feeling in control of my life again.